I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
