I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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