I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
