Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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