How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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