You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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