Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
