Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what day is it and did you see me today?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
