Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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