I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
