you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize