Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
