i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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