she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found your dick twin last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
