The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
