so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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