I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
