So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
