she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
