Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
