Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
