You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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