Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
