from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
