I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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