If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize