Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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