Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
