My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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