you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
