birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
