"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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