we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love having hate sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
