all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
