you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Less talking, more tequila
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
