Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
