how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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