i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my being single is dangerous.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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