Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
