pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When did angry sex become our thing?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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