I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to cum in my sink.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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