Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
