just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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