i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
