he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
