He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
