I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All the doctor said was why
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
