How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
