Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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