i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to align my fucking chakras
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
