i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
