I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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