you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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