its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
