She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
