So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
