I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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