Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
smell my finger.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
