Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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