While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize