No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
