remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
