come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
