not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
