Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
soo... how was my night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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