Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
