TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
