I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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