Plan B is the new Plan A
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
