I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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