can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
